Taste of reality.

They say there's something about a near death experience that makes people rethink their lives and start "living in the moment." It's like some nerve in the brain is triggered when the mortal terror brought kicks in. People realize just how fragile they are on the inside and the outside.

Physically we are easily broken. All it takes it a mistep or momentary loss of balance. We're all made of glass. We can't be shaken about or dropped for fear of damage. Our souls are made of precious metal. We can't afford to be oxygenized by getting our feelings hurt our having a broken heart. We'll start to rust. The more rust we endure the more brittle we become, and it only takes one more hit till you're broken.

I don't understand why people need to be close to death to feel like they need to do something. I don't need to experience death to value my life.

Ode to my discontent.

Every time I think about you, I think I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. My hands grow cold, I feel sick, like I need to shake it off before I catch a cold from all the ice in my soul.

Do you ever think of me this way? I would give every last ounce of my sanity to know how you thought of me.

You make me want to take a cold shower. You make me feel numb, and like I can feel everything.

I want to punch you in your face and take you in my arms.

Looking at you makes me want to smile sweetly and cry, and say, "It's okay. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, I've been waiting for you."

I feel nothing and everything. I am dormant and electric. I am happy and not.

You are my nothing and my everything.

Another day, another blog.

So, here it is. Not super exciting, considering about 3 or 4 people will ever lay eyes on it, but still. My blog. That's right. Just mine. Mwahahahaha.

Recently I've been completely obsessed with a particular song by Owl City called "Vanilla Twilight." I can't exactly put my finger on mhy I love it so much, but I just do. I guess the lyrics really speak to me. Have a look:

"The stars lean down to kiss you,

and I lie awake and miss you,

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,

But I'll miss your arms around me.

I'd send a postcard to you, dear

'Cause I wish you were here.

I'll watch the night turn light-blue,

But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly.

The silence isn't so bad,

'Til I look at my hands and feel sad

'Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,

Though I haven't slept in two days

'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.

But drenched in vanilla twilight,

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you I don't feel so alone.

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink,

I'll think of you tonight.

I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,

And heavy wings grow lighter,

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.

And I'll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won't forget you

Oh, if my voice could reach

back through the past,

I'd whisper in your ear,

Oh darling, I wish you were here."

Pretty sweet, no? I thoroughly enjoy it.