Recently my dreams have been alternating between sickeningly cute and horribly depressing. Though I guess they seem to reflect my subconscious, as dreams always do. My life is better than it normally is. Straights A's, a boyfriend, good friendships... but I still have personal attachment and possession issues. I don't think they're going anywhere anytime soon, honestly. I've had them since I was very little, traumatic experiences, etc, brought them about.
Oh and also, recently I've been growing exceedingly closer to an ex-boyfriend. No, not in that way, I'm much more than content with what I have. I'm ecstatic about it. But the ex has started acting like nothing awful ever happened between us. Which is good, I suppose, but it's also a little frustrating. He just came into my third block study hall, this is why I felt the urge to bring him up. He even gets slightly flirtatious sometimes, and I'm thinking, "Dude. No. I'm busy and happy with what I have. And you should be too." But talking sense into him is like trying to talk sense into a brick wall. I've been trying for close to four years now, and it worked for a little bit, but then he snapped back so violently I didn't have ample time to react appropriately. I was holding on to the stretched rubber band that was his happiness. For once he was able to smile and mean it, and I like to think I had something to do with that. But he severed the tie, snapped back into the darkness where his temperament normally resides. It's awfully depressing, and I want to help, but I have to realise that he is not a charity case, his happiness is no longer my responsibility. I'll always have a soft spot for him, but I'm not going to try to pull information out of him. If he wants to talk to me, I'm more than happy to sit and listen and offer comfort and advice. But I have to stop worrying about his happiness and focus more on mine. I'm so happy, because what I have now is exponentially better than what I had then.
Title for post compliments of The Clash.
